Giebler's Elfs Score 100.16, Remind Everyone That 2019 Was a Long Time Ago

Elf on the Shelf

Jake built Giebler's Elfs into a champion in 2018 and 2019, took the points crown in 2019, and has been living off the residuals ever since. Week 1 of 2026 was a reminder of how long ago 2019 was. The Elfs put up 100.16, the lowest score in the league. That number would have lost to every team on the schedule, and it did lose to Bo by 48.89.

Bo, for the record, owns last-place finishes in 2021 and 2022. Getting run over by Bo is the fantasy equivalent of losing a footrace to the guy carrying the cooler.

Jake's playoff résumé runs 2018, 2019, 2020, 2022, 2023 and then stops, like a diary he got too embarrassed to keep writing. His career record sits at 68-67, hanging onto the winning side by its fingernails. He has made 12 trades for a net of 0.31 wins above replacement, which is a lot of negotiating to end up roughly where he started. The luck number says the schedule has spotted him 3.41 wins over the years. This week the schedule had nothing to offer, because there is no friendly matchup for 100.16.

Noah Opens a 121.21-Point Wound

Somebody tell Nolan the 2024 title still counts. He scored 132.51, which would have beaten Sirac, Ben and Jake, and he lost by 121.21 because Noah picked Week 1 to post 253.72, the high score of the week by a distance best measured from orbit.

Noah has titles in 2023 and 2025, runner-up finishes in 2022 and 2024, and points crowns in 2017, 2022, 2023 and 2024. He also carries a luck number of -5.86, meaning the league has spent years telling him he deserved more. Nobody was taking up a collection for him this week.

In May, Noah sent his 2026 R1 to Kyle for Kyle's 2027 R2, then went out and played like a man who considers draft capital a hobby for other people.

Nolan made the playoffs every year from 2018 through 2024 and is missing from the 2025 list. He has made 6 trades in his entire career, a touching commitment to the roster he has. On the evidence of Week 1, that roster could use a phone call.

Fleeced Man Walking Wins Anyway

Kent has made 51 trades and come out of them at -15.86 wins above replacement, the worst trade ledger in the league by a comfortable distance. In Week 1 he put 192.51 on the board against Alex, owner of the best trade ledger in the league at 12.77, and won by 43.64. All those winning deals, and Alex got a 148.87 and a loss for his trouble.

Kent's file reads like a mood ring: title in 2016, last place in 2020 and 2024, runner-up and points king in 2025. He is 52-83 for his career with a luck number of -6.27, the unluckiest in the league, so he has earned a week where the other guy did the suffering. Baby Back Gibbs came off the grill done.

Alex has titles in 2020 and 2022 and more playoff trips than anyone else in the league. He lost anyway. Alex will be fine. That is what makes it fun.

Silver Medalists and Other Survivors

Kyle beat Ben 149.61 to 114.77 with Noah's 2026 R1 tucked in his pocket from the May trade. Kyle has a last place in 2017, a runner-up in 2018, a points title in 2020 and a trade net of -2.82, so enjoy the view from 5th while the paperwork looks good.

Ben's 114.77 was the next-lowest score of the week, which makes Jake the only reason Ben isn't leading this column. Ben's career record is 80-55, identical to Evan's. Evan turned his 80-55 into titles in 2017 and 2021. Ben turned his into runner-up finishes in 2016, 2017 and 2019, which is a remarkable amount of time spent standing next to the trophy.

Bo is 1-0 after beating Jake, though his 149.05 was the lowest winning score of the week and trailed Gavin, who lost. Bo has a runner-up in 2023 and playoff trips in 2023, 2024 and 2025, so he knows a win is a win, even one handed over by the Elfs.

Lucky Evan and the 2-Week Gap

The closest game of the week was decided by 19.24, which tells you what kind of week it was. Evan beat Gavin 169.5 to 150.26. Evan finished last in 2025 and sits 3rd now, and he owns the best luck number in the league at 9.73, so naturally he drew Gavin on a week when Gavin outscored Kyle and Bo, who both won.

Gavin joined in 2023, finished last that season, and has since compiled a 14-28 record, an empty playoff list and 17 trades worth -2.69. He scored 150.26 and lost. That is the Gavin experience in a box score.

Ryan beat Sirac 152.96 to 129.66. Straight Ca$h Homie has playoff trips in 2016 and 2025 and nothing in between, so a 1-0 start practically counts as a dynasty. Sirac, here since 2025, is 7-7 for his career and undefeated on trades, a perfect record he can keep forever by never making another.

Ben sits 11th and Jake sits 12th, so for now Ben gets to look down the standings at a man with rings from 2018 and 2019.