Ben Finds a New Way to Come in Second, This Time by 82.84 Points

Always the Bridesmaid, Now the Doormat

Ben owns an 80-55 career record, tied for the best in this league, and he has spent every season since 2016 proving that a great record and a trophy are sold separately. He finished runner-up in 2016, 2017 and 2019. He won the points title in 2016. He made the playoffs in 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020, 2021, 2023 and 2025. Evan has the identical 80-55 and banners from 2017 and 2021, which leaves Ben very few places to point.

This week Ben found a new way to come in second. Kent hung 185.17 on him, the high score of the week, and Ben answered with 102.33. The 82.84-point margin was the biggest blowout on the board, the kind of number you refresh in hopes it fixes itself.

He is 0-2, ranked 11th, with 217.1 points for. Only Jake has scored fewer. Ben has a shelf for every honor this league hands out except a championship and a last-place finish. Through two weeks he is closer to one of them, and it is the wrong one.

Baby Back Gibbs Serves the Whole Rack

Kent deserves his flowers, and he would probably trade them away for a bag of mulch. He has made 51 trades since 2016, won 13, lost 23 and sits at -15.86 in career trade value, the worst mark in the league by a distance. He runs less of a front office than a clearance rack.

Somehow the roster left over after all that giving scored 185.17, and he is 2-0, second in the standings with 377.68 points for. Kent's career has never done gentle. He won the title in 2016, finished last in 2020 and 2024, then went from the basement in 2024 to runner-up and points champion in 2025. The career record is still 52-83, and his luck sits at -6.27, so the schedule has been robbing him almost as efficiently as his trade partners.

Noah Wins Again, Bo Draws the Short Straw

Noah is 2-0, first in the standings and leading the league with 422.93 points for, which is the least surprising sentence in this column. He has titles in 2023 and 2025, runner-up finishes in 2022 and 2024 and points crowns in 2017, 2022, 2023 and 2024. Rooting against him is the league's most popular hobby and its least rewarding.

Bo scored 151.36, a total that would have beaten Gavin, Ryan, Evan, Sirac, Ben and Jake. He drew Noah and lost by 17.85. Bo finished last in 2021 and 2022 and runner-up in 2023, and this week he got a long look at the top of the table from underneath.

Kyle beat Ryan 156.13 to 134.88 and climbed from 5th to 3rd. He has been here since 2016 with a runner-up in 2018, a points title in 2020, a last place in 2017 and no championship, so enjoy the 2-0, Kyle, and take a screenshot. Ryan fell from 4th to 8th, the steepest drop of the week. For a man whose playoff trips came in 2016 and 2025 with nothing in between, the standings are just putting him back where they keep him.

Evan's Horseshoe Stays Firmly Lodged

Evan beat Sirac 128.8 to 119.52, the closest game of the week at 9.28. Ryan, Gavin and Bo all outscored that 128.8 and lost. Evan has a luck rating of 9.73, the highest in the league by a mile, and it keeps showing up like a guest nobody invited who still brought chips.

He is 2-0 with 298.3 points for, the fewest of the unbeaten teams, and he is the only winner this week who dropped in the standings, sliding from 3rd to 4th. At least the standings have noticed. This is a man who finished last in 2025 and has titles from 2017 and 2021, so he has built a career on the scoreboard and the result being loosely related.

Sirac, here since 2025, has made exactly 1 trade and won it, a perfect trade record nobody else in the league can claim. He is 0-2 anyway and 10th in the standings, which is what happens when your coin flip comes against the luckiest owner in the building.

Alex Collects, Jake Pays, Gavin Waits

Alex beat Jake 161.95 to 98.05 and jumped from 8th to 5th, which is what Alex does to people, on the field and on the trade market. He sits at 12.77 in career trade value, with 14 trade wins against 4 losses, so if he calls you this week, let it ring.

Jake had his spotlight last week, so this is a courtesy update: 98.05 was the low score of the week and he is 12th. The 2018 and 2019 banners are still hanging. Someone should dust them.

Nolan beat Gavin 155.89 to 145.27 and moved from 9th to 7th, though he has also allowed 398.99 points, the most in the league, so the 2024 champion is playing these games like a track meet. Gavin is 0-2 and 9th. He has been here since 2023 and still has no team name on file, though the 14-28 career record has been happy to introduce him.

For the record, Ben is still 80-55, tied for the best career mark in the league. It looked a lot better before this week, and it still does not come with a trophy.